


Be Free With Me

by splashfree



Category: Free!
Genre: Boys In Love, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-21 18:23:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splashfree/pseuds/splashfree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something is there between Haruka and Rin. They both know it, but navigating the waters of their relationship will be trickier than either can anticipate. (Rating may increase later for mature content.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I, um...ship these guys a lot. So I'm gonna write a whole bunch of nonsense about them. Excuse me.

It’s a rare sight at Samezuka Academy, but the gymnasium swimming pool is empty. The water, like hot, turquoise glass, shifts lazily place, while the clacks and slurps of the filtration system echo softly under the cavernous ceiling. The sight is perfect and undisturbed: a pool open and ready for him and him alone. And while Haruka Nanase’s heart flutters in anticipation, he also has to acknowledge that this exclusive time with Samezuka’s swimming pool isn’t so much an object of destiny as it is of timing. After all, it _is_ the middle of the night. 

Haruka never thought he’d adopt a life of crime in order to swim, but breaking and entering into Samezuka the first time hadn’t been very difficult, and it seemed like a waste not to seize the same opportunity twice. He didn’t bother telling Makoto; that probably would have resulted in another group field trip, and Haruka didn’t want that. No, this is a personal appointment. Just him and the water. No disturbances. 

Haruka fumbles his shoes off with his feet, slipping his sweatpants past his hips and down to the tiled floor. He didn’t bother dressing up or, really, dressing much at all; despite the cold spring weather, he didn’t even remember to bring a jacket, which is something he regrets. He’ll probably catch a cold walking home wet. He pulls his t-shirt over his head one-handed. Whatever. A cold is nothing. 

Diving in is everything it always is – a brilliant slice into a free and effortless world. The water is warm, enveloping, and perfect. It slips smoothly through his hair, across his shoulders and back, whispering across the soles of his feet. His legs shift, a dolphin kick rippling from his stomach until he’s carving water, propelling himself forward in the most natural way he knows how. Something clenches in his chest and he suddenly remembers oxygen; it never fails to surprise and disappoint him that breathing takes precedence over water.

Haruka kicks to the surface, tilting for air and crawling the fifty meters to the end. Flip turns, pushes hard against the edge, feels the surface of the water break against his movement. It’s intoxicating, this viscous, yielding substance, and as he parts his lips, chlorinated air fills his lungs. Nothing else exists here: just water, his whole body in it, and the breathlessness of the swim. Haru barrel rolls, twists into a second flip turn, pushes off hard and pumps into a butterfly. 

He’s so caught up in the moment that he doesn’t notice the shadow enter the gymnasium and stop short, watching him. 

“ _OI!!!_ ” 

The voice reverberates off the high, darkened windows and hits the water so hard that Haruka feels it. He pulls up, stomach twisting at the sight of the darkened figure stalking the edge, and he’s just bracing himself for another stern lecture from Samezuka’s janitor when the stranger hits a shaft of moonlight.

“Rin!” 

“What the hell are you doing back here?” Rin glowers at him, red eyes gleaming. “Get the fuck out of my pool.”

Haruka’s mouth twists into a frown that he dips beneath the water’s surface. He didn’t count on this. “It’s after hours,” he says, slowly breaststroking to the edge. “Pool’s closed.” 

Rin looks like he could deck him. “Are you shitting me right now?” he spits. “Of course it’s closed. And I’m telling you to get out.”

“ _You’re_ here to swim,” Haruka says pointedly. 

“Yeah, but not with you,” Rin growls, and the water seems to chill. “This is _my_ school. If anyone has the right to be here after hours, it’s me. Not you.” Rin rips off his jacket and throws it to the ground. “Go home, Haru.”

Haruka hugs the edge, chin propped on his crossed forearms. Things are still as bad between him and Rin as they ever were, but Haru’s not sure what he can do to fix it. In fact, he wonders if there’s even anything left of their friendship _to_ fix.

Rin strips down to his suit, secures a swim cap and retrieves his goggles before climbing the starting block to Haruka’s lane.

“You’ll overdo it,” Haru tells the water sloshing into the poolside drain, “if you swim all day and then all night.”

“Like I need _you_ to lecture me.” Rin snaps his goggles into place with that particular flick of his wrist. “Didn’t you hear me? I said go home.”

The angle is bad, so Haruka can’t see it properly, but Rin’s dive is flawless. He slips into the water with barely a splash, and in a few seconds, he’s flying, tearing through the pool like a shark after blood. Fifty meters down, he flip turns and pummels his way back. He’s a storm ripping up the coast; the water pitches and dips against Haruka’s chest and he finds himself smiling. He couldn’t see it before during their race, but Rin truly has become an incredible swimmer. 

But telling him as much will just piss Rin off. Haruka knows this, he just doesn’t know why. His smile fades. 

Rin slams his hands against the edge as he finishes the hundred-meter sprint, rips off his goggles and shakes his hair free of the swim cap. His teeth are bared in a grimace, frustration struck down his face from brow to chin. A vicious curse is lost in the upheaval of water as he punches the pool’s surface, and while Haruka’s heart objects to such watery violence, Rin catches sight of him the next moment and he has other things to worry about.

“Why are you still here?” Rin spits, eyes flashing, mouth jagged with fury. “I told you to leave!”

“I was watching,” Haruka explains. He pauses; then against his better judgment, “You’ve gotten really good, Rin.”

Rin’s fists clench, and Haruka is sickly gratified that his theory was right. “I know that,” Rin grits. “What, you think I need you to say so? Is that what you think?” 

Haruka ducks his gaze. “No,” he says. “But if you know you’re good, then you should stop feeling angry about it. That’s all.”

Rin snaps. Haruka’s not wearing goggles, so without anything else to grab, his hand fastens around Haruka’s throat. Haru chokes and immediately Rin recoils. He recovers quickly, though, fingers hovering awkwardly over Haru’s neck in a halfhearted threat.

“Don’t,” Rin hisses. “Ever. Tell me how to feel. You don’t know the first thing about me, Nanase. So don’t even try to judge me.”

“I’m not,” Haruka croaks. _You’re the one who’s judging yourself_. He wants to say it, but it’s not his place and not his problem. One thing is his problem, though, and has been for the past five years of radio silence. A silence he’s going to break. Now.

“Why do you hate me?”

Rin’s body freezes, muscles gathered like beads of water. His expression is fractured, a kaleidoscope of emotion too complicated for Haru to fathom. “What?” he breathes.

“I said why do you hate me?” Haru repeats. “Is it really because I won that day? Because you thought I was better than you? Because I’m not. I never was. I told you, I don’t care about that stuff. I only want to – ” 

Rin grabs him and this time Haruka doesn’t flinch.

“Only want to what, swim?” Rin finishes, his voice ripped down the center. “Just want to swim freestyle, you ‘don’t care about the times.’ Or is it some other bullshit? Give me a break.” His fingers pinch into Haru’s arms. “You wanna know why I hate you?” Rin breathes. “Why I can’t fucking stand you?” 

“Yeah,” says Haruka and this, he realizes, is the worst. Not only was his midnight excursion interrupted after all, but now Rin’s admitting what he spent the last five years worrying was true. 

Rin hates him. He actually hates him.

It’s the first time in Haru’s whole life that he’s ever stood in a swimming pool and wanted to be anywhere else in the world.

“Because you’re a fucking idiot,” Rin hisses. “Because you’re so goddamn stupid that you don’t understand anything and you never will and I just have to – ” Rin chokes, hands tight on Haruka’s shoulders. “Because you’ll never – ”

Something is breaking in Rin – Haru can feel it, and he wants it to stop. Wants Rin to stop falling apart, wants to stop him himself, but for the life of him, Haruka can’t figure out what to do. Everything he says or does just makes things worse, and that bothers him. The whole thing bothers him. He’s supposed to be Rin’s friend, after all. He’s supposed to know what to do.

Haru’s just about to say something, anything to break this crushing silence, when Rin shoves him against the edge of the pool and kisses him.

The sharp tile hits his spine, hurts just like Rin’s fingers digging into his arms, but Haru’s in too much shock to particularly care. Rin’s mouth is hot and unrelenting, ripping the breath from Haru’s lungs and making his head spin. He’s useless: can’t think and can’t move, and there’s nothing left to do but let his eyes slip shut, jaw loosening as Rin bites his mouth open.

Rin kisses like he swims – aggressive and powerful – and his hands leave Haru’s shoulders to snarl behind his ears. Haru’s face is trapped; body on fire; the water cooling on his skin dwarfed by the heat pulsing between them. Rin is pushing so hard against him that Haruka has to brace himself against the pool’s edge just to keep his footing. He really _has_ let his physical condition go. Or maybe he’s just never realized how strong Rin really is.

Regardless, Rin is right – he really _is_ an idiot.

A few molten seconds pass and it’s over. Rin shoves Haruka away, dragging the back of his hand over his mouth. Haru is winded, skin shivering with energy and while he wants to say something – _anything_ – his brain still refuses to work.

Rin kissed him. It runs like an endless news banner. Rin kissed him. Rin just _kissed_ him.

Rin’s expression has sunk, red eyes heavy and unfathomable as he stares at Haruka. Without a word, he pushes himself out of the water, shoves his feet into his shoes and, still soaking wet, grabs his clothes and leaves.

Haruka watches him go, fingers ghosting reflexively across his lips. They’re swollen, the taste of heat and chlorination still on his tongue and Haru shivers. His heart is fluttering again, but this isn’t in anticipation. Or maybe it is. Just a different kind.

The gymnasium door slams.

Silence. 

Haru gathers himself in a sigh. No use trying to swim _now_. He pushes out of the pool and as he does so, spots the black lump lying abandoned on the ground. 

Rin forgot his jacket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next [water] time: _The Jacket_
> 
> Thanks for reading. I don't really know what I'm doing here, but stay tuned for more HaruxRin nonsense.


	2. The Jacket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Jacket - In which a familiar jacket is discovered and Haruka Nanase remains quiet while Makoto Tachibana exercises intuition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haruka didn't wash Rin's jacket. I believe his exact words were: "Ain't nobody got time for that."

 

Makoto’s not sure why, but this morning Haruka seems a little more comatose than usual.

“Morning, Haru,” Makoto brightly greets his friend as he slides back the bathroom door. Haruka is scrunched predictably in his tub; head propped against the wall; staring listlessly at his floating, plastic dolphin. Makoto finds it funny (but mostly endearing) that Haru still bathes with it. The toy was a small gift from Coach Sasabe, way back in elementary school; Makoto himself received a whale, but eventually he passed it on to his younger siblings when he felt sufficiently past the age of bath toys.

Then again, maybe you’re never too old for some things. Makoto smiles at Haru.

“Hurry up, or we’ll be late,” he chides gently, holding out his hand to help Haruka from the bath. Haru doesn’t blink, and for a second Makoto wonders if he’s fallen asleep with his eyes open. “Haru?”

At the sound of his name, Haruka starts, blinks up at Makoto in surprise. “When did you get here?” he says. 

Makoto laughs. “Just now. You didn’t notice?”

Haruka’s eyes dart, an embarrassed frown twisting on his mouth. Without a word, he takes Makoto’s hand and pulls himself out of the water.

“Something on your mind?” Makoto asks, not expecting a verbal response and not getting one either. Haru wordlessly towels himself off and Makoto reads his pensive silence as, _“Why yes, Makoto, thanks for asking. Something is indeed bothering me, and later I’ll find a time to talk to you about it in a vague, roundabout kind of way.”_

He’s looking forward to it.

“Well you’d better hurry and eat some breakfast. You know Ama-chan-sensei hates it when we’re late.” Makoto has just turned to leave Haru alone to change when he spots a familiar black lump lying on the lid of Haru’s laundry basket. He blinks. 

“Haru, is that – ?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Haruka says, suddenly crisp and monotonic. “I need you to take that to Rin.”

“What?” says Makoto. Haru’s got his head in a towel, vigorously drying his hair. “Wait, how did you get Rin’s jacket?” Did Rin leave it after the race? No, Makoto remembers watching Rin zip it up slowly as the Samezuka janitor yelled at them, his red eyes darkly glaring at the tiled floor. They haven’t seen Rin since then – at least, not as a group. “Did you see him recently?”

Haru doesn’t gratify him with the answer that Makoto hears anyway: _“Yes, I did, Makoto, and something happened. You’ll probably guess what it is when I obliquely reference the random something that I’m worrying about.”_ It’s so nice when Haru is this communicative.

“Why don’t you get dressed,” says Makoto in the same way he encourages his little brother to do his homework before playing outside. “We can talk about it on the way to school, if you want.”

Makoto waits in the hallway while Haru dresses, and when the latter emerges, it’s with the black bundle tucked beneath his arm. Makoto smiles. “Breakfast?” 

Haruka blinks, kind of sadly in Makoto’s opinion. “Not hungry.”

“Huh? Really?” Makoto doesn’t know how many times Haru’s rebuked him for being too motherly, but it makes him downright anxious when people don’t eat. “But it’s probably better if you eat something anyway. Right? Breakfast is important.”

Haru gives him that look – _stop it, Mom_ – and Makoto sighs. “Fine,” he says. “Just…eat lunch, okay?”

Haruka rolls his eyes.

\---

The sun is rising to a clear blue sky as Makoto and Haruka walk to school together. Makoto smiles as the cool ocean breeze pushes towards them. The smell of salt and distant summer is as fond to him as the memories it brings back. The days when him, Haru, Rin and Nagisa walked home from swim practice together.

They’d take off their shoes and run to meet the waves, screaming and laughing at how _cold, cold, cold!_ it was.

Then Rin, all mischief, would kick the surf, soaking a pensive Haru who, in retaliation, would chase him down the beach until he tackled him, and then they’d both get drenched. And sandy. 

Man, their moms would be so pissed – and inevitably, both boys would show up the next day with colds, shooting each other glares over their coughs and sniffles all day long.

But nothing stopped them from swimming, and once they got in that pool, it was all water under the bridge between Haruka and Rin. Without fail.

How things change.

Makoto glances at Haru. They’ve all grown up so much since those days, but Haru still looks out over the ocean with the same longing he always did. Only he’s carrying something else with him now. And it’s not just that jacket.

Haru’s mouth is twisting and he’s biting the inside of his cheek, so Makoto looks away. Any second now.

“Hey, Makoto.”

Makoto smiles. “Yeah?”

“Do you like anyone?”

This must be it: the esoteric hinting at what’s bothering Haru. At least, Makoto hopes so; Haru’s never before expressed an interest in his lovelife, so he’s not sure how to take the question otherwise. Regardless, it makes Makoto blush a little. 

“Uh,” Makoto says, “you mean someone in particular?”

“Yeah.”

Haru is so deadpan, Makoto can’t tell what he’s fishing for, so he settles for honesty. 

“Not really,” he says, (though he’d be lying if he said his thoughts didn’t flick to Gou – no, sorry _Kou_ – Matsuoka for a second). Pauses. “What about you?” 

Haru doesn’t answer – and this time, he really _doesn’t_ answer. 

“Haru?”

“How do you know,” Haruka says abruptly, his eyes still fixed on the ocean, “if you like someone…particularly?” 

Makoto blinks – is Haru actually hung up on somebody? That could easily explain the listlessness and leading questions…but honestly, Makoto’s a little shocked. After all, most of Haru’s fixations usually involve bodies of water, not other people.

Well, it was bound to happen eventually, Makoto supposes. Haru is only human, after all, just like the rest of them. But why all of a….

It clicks, and Makoto’s heart thumps.

That jacket.

“Uh.” Makoto’s mind is racing his pulse, and for a moment he’s speechless. _That’s an assumption, Tachibana_ , he reminds himself carefully. _Haru hasn’t said anything yet. And he asked you a question_.

“Well,” Makoto begins slowly, “if you like someone, I think you just… _know_. You know? Like when you look at them, you…feel something. Good. Kind of like…a giddy feeling. Or…or even like irritation sometimes. But not in a bad way, just…how do I put this? It’s like they make you feel so good that sometimes, if you think they don’t feel the same way about you, it’s…painful.”

He shoots a glance at Haruka, but Haru’s still determinedly tracing the long line of the horizon.

“Part of it probably has to do with admiration as well,” Makoto continues. “But I don’t think it’s about what that person _does_ , really. It’s about who they are. You know. Just in them being themselves. I think. Sorry,” he laughs, scratching his head. “I don’t know if that made much sense.” 

Makoto’s words settle, are gusted away by the next pull of wind towards the ocean. Seagulls are crying overhead, echoing the first morning bell as they approach the gates of Iwatobi High. If they want to make it on time, they should run, but Makoto’s too busy listening to Haru’s silence. It’s a little harder to tell this time, but if Makoto had to guess, it’d be something like, _“I’m scared.”_

For a second, Makoto sees it clearly: Haru as a little kid staring off into the ocean, silently longing for it. Rin chattering, slinging his arm around Haru’s neck and grinning like there was no better place to be in the whole world.

How did he not see it before? 

Haruka’s stopped walking whether he realizes it or not, and Makoto stops alongside him. Haru’s sporting such an anxious deadpan, it makes Makoto want to give him a hug. But that would be embarrassing, especially right outside their school, so he settles for a firm hand on his shoulder and an encouraging smile. “Anyway, I’m sure it’ll be okay, Haru-chan,” Makoto glows. “Whatever it is. So don’t worry about it.” 

Haruka’s eyes narrow and he shrugs off Makoto’s hand moodily. It just makes Makoto smile wider; no matter how hard he tries to play it cool, Haru-chan will always be completely transparent to him.

“We’re going to be late,” Haruka mumbles.

“Then we’d better run.”

They do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next [water] time: _The Apology._
> 
> My own apology: I'm sorry there were no smoochies in this chapter. :( But there was a lot of friendship. So that has to count for something.
> 
> Rin comes back next time, though, so no worries. Stay tuned~


	3. The Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Makoto defaces a perfectly good bento box, Haruka returns a jacket, and Rin changes his shoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since he's the ultimate man, I imagine Makoto Tachibana makes his own lunch every day. He probably makes cute, themed bento boxes for his younger siblings too.

Over lunch, Haru tries again to get Makoto to take the jacket over to Samezuka, but his best friend is politely firm.

“It’s probably best if you return it,” he says mildly, opening the lid to an exquisitely arranged bento box. The four of them are sitting on the roof, enjoying the fair weather. “You did take it from him in the first place, right?”

Haru frowns, considering the effort it would take to come up with a verbal counterargument. Too much, he decides. He shoves the black bundle at Nagisa.

“I’d totally take it for you, Haru-chan,” Nagisa pouts apologetically, “but I’m meeting Rei-chan today after school. Sorry!”

“Rei-chan?” Makoto says, surprised. “You mean…you’re seeing girl, Nagisa?”

Nagisa giggles. “No, no!” he says. “Ryugazaki-kun from class. He’s going to join the swim club!”

“Oh!” says Makoto, glancing at Gou. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, Rei-chan doesn’t know he’s joining yet either,” Nagisa admits with a small shrug. “But he will!”

He sips innocently at his strawberry milk. Haruka feels a little sorry for whoever this Rei Ryugazaki guy is; he obviously has no idea what he’s getting into with Nagisa.

But Haru can’t exactly argue against efforts that will expand the swim club, so he turns to Gou instead. She sighs.

“I guess I could take it, Haruka-senpai,” she says, reaching for it, but Makoto cuts her off.

“No she can’t,” he blurts. Then blushes. “I mean, won’t. Shouldn’t. I just….” Makoto’s face is the color of Gou’s hair. “I just think Haru probably needs to see Rin in person since he was the one who took his jacket, that’s all.” He sheepishly stabs his rice.

“Yeah, how did you end up with his jacket anyway?” says Nagisa, frowning as he does the mental calculations. “Didn’t he have it after the – ”

“Maybe,” Makoto says abruptly, doggedly destroying the aesthetics of his bento box, “we should talk about something else. Like…like what kind of regimen we’re going to have once it gets warm enough to swim! We should probably talk about it.” He clears his throat. “Now.”

Gou’s eyes slide from Makoto to Haruka, then back again. “…Sure,” she agrees slowly, as though mildly worried for Makoto’s sanity. “Sounds like we should.”

Nagisa shrugs and obliviously carries on chatting with Gou as Makoto listens, ears burning. Embarrassment wells up in Haruka’s lungs – can Makoto tell? Read straight off his face that something happened between him and Rin? Even despite all the effort he put into being vague and choosing his words carefully. _Dammit._

Haruka sighs through his nose, packing the jacket dutifully back into his bag again. He knew from the beginning it had to be him. But he just has no idea how to deal with Rin anymore. What to say. How to act. It was bad enough before, but now –

_His mouth was so hot, the bite of his teeth dizzying. An exotic energy exploded in Haru’s chest, like millions of water droplets kicked and illuminated by a dying sun –_

_Rin’s hands like vices behind either ear, holding him still. He didn’t think to do anything but kind of swoon, prop himself up as Rin kissed him._

But why? And right after saying he _hated_ him. Couldn’t _stand_ him.

_“How do I put this?”_ Makoto’s words drift back to him. _“It’s like they make you feel so good that sometimes, if you think they don’t feel the same way about you, it’s…painful.”_

Pain. Maybe that was it – what filled Rin’s eyes that night. Haru thought it was anger or hatred, but maybe….

Maybe he’s just being an idiot. As he usually is, apparently.

“I told you,” the younger Matsuoka is fuming at a wickedly innocent Nagisa, “it’s _Kou,_ not Gou!”

The same old conversations. It’s reassuring to know that no matter what, some things will still be waiting for him. His friends. The exciting new club. Summer coming.

Swimming.

A smile twitches vaguely at the corner of Haru’s mouth. It’ll be fine. Just like Makoto said.

He’s still digging gloomily through his bento box as Gou and Nagisa bicker. He must feel Haru’s gaze however, because Makoto glances up, catches his eye.

For a moment, they just watch each other. A small smile lifts Makoto’s mouth, and it’s exactly the encouragement Haru needs to see. He swallows and nods in return.

_Thanks,_ he says without saying. Makoto’s smile broadens. Eyebrows lift.

_Eat your lunch._

Oh. Right.

\---

By the time Haruka gets to Samezuka, the main building has emptied out. Two or three stragglers hurriedly change their shoes in the antechamber before passing him, too busy to even spare his Iwatobi uniform a skeptical glance. And he’s alone with the labeled shoe lockers. Perfect.

Or so he thinks, but then he hesitates – is this really okay? Leaving the jacket in Rin’s locker and leaving? It’s not the bravest thing he’s ever done, but not only is hunting down Rin’s whereabouts too much trouble, he can’t even remember what the use of it would be in the first place. He glazed through all his afternoon classes, staring at the ocean just visible from his seat and brainstorming a list of things he could possibly say to Rin. He came up with one solid standby: “Here’s your jacket.” 

Haruka sighs, partly from the absurdity of it all; partly in self-frustration; and mostly because he’s standing here worrying about how to return an article of clothing when he could be standing in water. 

Haru locates the “M”s and scans the kanji printed neatly on each cubby. _Matsuoka, Rin_ – at least something’s working for him. Haru opens it, preparing to unceremoniously stuff the jacket in and beat a hasty retreat, when something gives him pause.

Rin’s shoes are still in there. Which means –

“So you showed up after all. Thief.”

Haruka turns, eyes widening. Rin is slouching towards him, still wearing his school slippers, one hand clutching his cell phone. He pockets it.

“I….” Now would be a good time to say something, Haru thinks. He could say anything. Right now. And it would mean something. 

A moment passes in silence. Rin glares at him. Haru holds out the bundle. 

“Here’s your jacket.” _Dammit._

Rin scowls and snatches it back, shoving it under his arm. “Thanks for stealing it, asshole.”

Haruka frowns. “I didn’t steal it,” he says. “You left it, so I’m returning it.”

“Oh, so I should be thanking you or something?” Rin shoulders him out of the way, moodily switching from his school shoes to his sneakers.

“No,” Haru says quietly. “Just….”

Rin’s glare doesn’t meet his eyes. “Just what?”

Good question. There’s something he needs to be saying; Haruka knows this, he just doesn’t have the words.

His jaw tightens. He hates feeling this incompetent – this trapped by social convention – so he lets it go. Whatever. He’s never been good at talking, and thinking he’d suddenly become so in Rin’s presence was a mistake.

Haru shakes his head. “Nothing,” he says. “That’s it. There’s your jacket. That's why I came.”

“Well, lah-dee-dah,” Rin intones, red eyes dark and humorless. “Lucky me. The mighty Haruka graced me with a personal visit.” He slams his cubby door, looks Haru straight in the eye. “If that’s all you have to say for yourself, then you can beat it, Nanase.”

This isn’t going how it should. It isn’t making anything better and it’s definitely _not_ all Haruka has to say, but how can he tell Rin that? _“Sorry, I can’t think of any words.”_ It’ll just make Rin scoff at him and call him an idiot again. And even though Haruka himself knows by now that he’s an idiot, it hurts to think Rin of all people sees him that way.

The silence between them accumulates in inches, effectively drowning Rin’s investment in this conversation. At length, the redhead shrugs, upper lip curling into a snarl.

“Whatever, Haru.”

“Rin, wait.” The words fly out of Haruka’s mouth and he catches him by the arm. Rin’s hands ball into fists at the contact, glaring the full force of his rancor, but Haru doesn’t let go. Stares levelly back.

“I’m sorry,” Haru says. This is something. It’s a start.

He can feel the tension prickling quietly across Rin’s shoulders, like a dog gearing up for a fight “Oh yeah?” he growls softly.

Haruka swallows. “Yes.” 

“For what?”

“For taking your jacket.”

Rin blinks, dumbfounded for a moment. “…Seriously?”

Haru nods. “I should have left it at the pool,” he says. “I didn’t know taking it would piss you off so much – ”

Rin’s eyes flash. “Oh, are you fucking kidding me – ”

“ – But I needed it,” Haru continues, gripping Rin’s arm and hoping he’ll shut up long enough to hear him out. “I forgot my own jacket and it was cold outside and I would have caught a cold otherwise so I used yours without thinking.” Haruka swallows. “I….” Why is this so hard? Why can’t he just spit it out?

Or maybe…maybe he doesn’t have to _say_ it. Maybe he can just –

They’re alone, and Haru has a firm grip on Rin’s arm. He has him. So it would be nothing just to –

He takes a step closer, his foot in between Rin’s. Rin’s eyes flicker – surprise, mistrust, anger, pain – 

Want. Thick and heavy.

Haruka’s heart is echoing in his ears and his eyes flick to Rin’s mouth, to the frown that’s unraveling like a cheap hem as the moments pass, as expectation builds –

And Haruka feels it in his chest, his arms, his whole body – this urge not unlike the one he gets when facing water, open and free before him –

But somehow –

He’s paralyzed at the starting block.

He can’t make his body move.

He’s staring at Rin’s mouth. 

Knowing what he needs to do.

_Wants_ to do. 

But he can’t. 

Because he doesn’t have the nerve.

He’s terrified.

Haruka freezes, his fingers gripping Rin’s arm like a life preserver. He meets Rin’s eyes, trying to communicate, to apologize, to tell him – 

Rin’s gaze is shut. His mouth set. It takes Haruka a moment to realize he’s leaning backwards.

Away from him. 

Haruka lets him go abruptly, stepping purposefully back and ducking behind his bangs. His face is blazing; lump obstructing his throat; mind spamming him: _what did you do what did you just do what the hell did you just do._ He can’t look at Rin; and just as he resolves to stay there staring at his feet until the world ends, a chipper voice rings out from behind him.

“Matsuoka-senpai! Oh good, you haven’t left yet!”

Haruka doesn’t budge, just stands there like a piece of furniture as the newcomer crosses to Rin.

“What is it, Nitori?” Rin says flatly.

“I’m so sorry, Matsuoka-senpai; I tried telling him that you weren’t feeling well today, but Mikoshiba-senpai says you absolutely have to come to practice tonight because we’re having a team meeting.”

Not feeling well? That pulls Haruka’s gaze from his feet. For a second he wonders if it’s just some bullshit Rin made up to dodge practice, but now that Haru looks at him, Rin _does_ look a little paler than usual, and the skin under his nose is raw. How did he not notice before?

“You caught a – ?”

“It’s cold outside, genius,” Rin says dully. His glare is back in full, sulky force. “Especially at night.”

“Oh!” The underclassman suddenly notices Haru. “Are you Matsuoka-senpai’s friend? I’m sorry! I interrupted you! That was rude. My name is – ”

“Forget it, Nitori,” Rin interrupts, spinning on his heel and striding away. “I’m not showing up tonight. I’m tanked. If Seijuurou doesn’t like it, he can shove it up his ass. You can quote me on that.” 

“But I – ! Wait, Matsuoka-senpai!”

With a hasty apology to Haruka, Nitori scampers to gather his shoes and keep up as Rin breezes out.

Before he pushes past the doors, Rin lifts the jacket. “Much obliged, Thief.”

The doors shut, muting Nitori’s further begging. Haruka watches them go, the confident slant of Rin’s retreating back.

“Yeah.” His voice is nothing inside the empty antechamber. “No problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next [water] time: _The Memory_
> 
> Thanks for reading. I'm having a lot of fun with this. 
> 
> Rin will be exploring but a few of his many feels in the next chapter, so I hope you stay tuned for some more nonsense~


	4. The Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rin remembers something pleasant which makes him feel not so pleasant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~apparently the only way to get me to write something is getting me to promise to write something else dum deedumdumdummm~~
> 
> ...Sheepishly I present to you this fourth installment! ~~oh god i cannot even begin to express how sorry i am for how late this is but here it is and i hope you enjoy rin and all his angstywangsting which should not be confused with angsty wanking although hey there's an idea.~~
> 
> Anyway. I hope you enjoy~

 

The Memory

 

The afternoon is a white haze that burns Rin’s eyes as he steps through Samezuka’s front doors. He squints, happy to blame his burgeoning headache on the glare from the alabaster sidewalk and the clear blue sky and the irritating, happy chatter of after school students. His face feels like extra-absorbent paper towels wadded up and stuffed down a toilet. Nitori is talking again. 

“I don’t care,” Rin says bluntly, cutting off his roommate mid-sentence. “I feel like shit, I’m going home. Just go to practice.”

He knows he’s being rude and that Nitori doesn’t deserve to be snapped at, but he’ll apologize later. Right now he needs about ten thousand percent less sunlight and one thousand percent more cold medicine. He slouches onward, gratified that Nitori doesn’t follow him. 

That damn jacket is still balled in his fist.

He doesn’t want to think about it. About Haru’s face and those damn stupid blue eyes. He wants to burn them out of his mind, but he can’t. In fact, all his mind seems to want to fixate on is the scenario in which that guy actually _has_ a backbone, in which Rin finds his mouth bitten back for that dumb stunt he pulled in the pool, in which Haruka Nanase gives him something to work with. In which he doesn't look so damn… _vulnerable_. Doesn’t make Rin feel all these stupid things.

He hates him. He really, really does.

Rin’s nails dig into the fabric, his teeth grinding, glaring at a passing threesome of schoolgirls who blanch and scurry off. His nose is stuffed and he heaves in snot, exhaling through his mouth. He rubs his eyes on his sleeve. This sucks. 

His dorm room is a dim and cluttered nirvana, and he can’t stop the sigh of relief steaming from his lungs as he drops his bag with a clunk and beelines to the bottom bunk. He collapses face first, mouth dry and lips rubbery against his sheets. If he closes his eyes, the pounding in his head isn’t so bad, and if he stays perfectly still, he can pretend his body doesn’t exist, that he’s just a mind floating effortlessly through the black.

For a moment, everything goes perfectly silent and when he opens his eyes again, the sun is staining his curtains the color of barley tea. He can hear the track team wrapping up practice with a string of last-minute drills, and with blurry eyes, he catches the glow of his LED clock. 18:57. Well shit.

Rin sits up, rubbing his face with both hands. His mouth is dry as balls, but he feels a lot better – he can breathe through his nose again, anyway. Looks like he drained most of his cold onto his bedspread. Gross.

Muzzily, he changes out of his uniform and shuffles to the sink to wash the rest of the cold off his face. The nap was good, he decides; he needed it. He’s been training pretty hard and skimping on sleep more than is strictly wise, but lately he’s been too caged to sleep. Lately he’s been swimming at night as well as at practice, as well as in the mornings and lifting weights over lunch and running on his off-days. 

Maybe he _is_ overdoing it a little.

Rin scowls at his own reflection over the sink, noting with distaste his pasty complexion and red nose. At least he feels better than he looks. With a sigh, he slouches back to his bed, pulling the top sheet off to throw into the laundry. His jacket falls onto his bare feet and he picks it up automatically. Considers it.

_“Here’s your jacket.” He says it like he’s a robot or something, inscrutable and distant as always. Always half a step out of reach, always one stroke length ahead of him. Rin feels his lips curl into a snarl._

_“Thanks for stealing it, asshole.”_

The memory plucks irritation from his heartstrings, and Rin grimaces, still staring at his jacket. He needs it for practice tomorrow – should he wash it? Did Haru wash it for him? No way – Haru’d never do that; it’s too much trouble. He’d be more likely to climb into the washer himself.

The image twists Rin’s mouth into a wry smile that surprises even himself, and he quickly straightens out his expression. No – is he washing this or not? He hesitates, then gives it a careful sniff.

The scent hits him in the chest. It’s suddenly very hard to swallow.

_Haru._

Rin hesitates, not wanting to be that weirdo (REALLY not wanting to be that weirdo) but fuck it, it’s too late – he’s got the jacket pressed against his face and all he’s breathing in is the smell of tatami and wind chimes, salty beach air in the evening and mackerel, honeysweet wicker and the otherwise indescribable scent of Haruka Nanase, foreign and special and impossibly comfortable. The smell of sweat and chlorine and the heady rush of a hot and open mouth. A mouth he could even be kissing right now, maybe, if he had just – 

_NO._

The knot of frustration in Rin’s gut pulls him down onto his bed, his head reeling from the influx of sensory memory. There was that one summer – the one he spent over at Haru’s house almost every weekend. The Iwatobi Elementary School Swim Team was training for some event or another, and so every Saturday night for two months him, Makoto, and Nagisa went to Haru’s place after practice. They’d eat dinner together, have epic pillow warfare in Haru’s _giant_ room, and even sleep over, lined up like four, fidgeting lanes on a tatami swimming pool. Rin still remembers the creak of the crickets outside, the warmth of the stiff cotton sheets. In the morning Mrs. Nanase would feed them all breakfast and they’d walk to the train station together. He’d walk next to Haru on the way; sling an arm around his neck; wave to him from the train and think nothing of it. 

It’s not much of an exaggeration to say that those were some of the happiest days of his life. 

Especially considering that one Sunday morning, when Rin awoke to a gentle finger against his back. 

During these sleepovers, Nagisa always made a big deal about sleeping next to Haru, and since Makoto was always so agreeable, Rin would just boldly claim Haru’s other side. _They say you only grow taller when you’re asleep,_ he’d say, trying to justify his choice with some lame teasing. _So if we sleep side by side, it’ll be kinda like a race, see? Betcha I’ll grow taller than you, Haru._

Makoto was already a giant; Nagisa was still a shrimp. But between him and Haru, there was always some kind of contest. Some sort of challenge to be had. 

Haru would just blink dully at him. Shrug. _Whatever you say,_ he’d say. _“Rin-Rin.”_

They’d laugh at him, but it was worth it to lie there with his elbows flexed above his head, letting the wave of Haru’s breathing pull him gently into sleep. 

And then that one morning, when he woke up to Haru drawing on him. 

Lying on his side, watching the early morning sun illuminate the white sliding doors. Haru’s finger tracing slow, broad strokes across his shoulder blades. 

“Haru?” he whispered.

He could hear Makoto’s even breathing, Nagisa’s snores from the other end of the room. Haru didn’t answer. His finger didn’t stop.

“Hey Haru.” 

Rin craned his neck around and saw eyes. Bright and brilliant and swimming pool blue. Staring straight back at him. Rin remembers feeling his lips part, but he couldn’t have said anything. He was dumbstruck. 

They must have stayed like that for an age, just watching each other. Rin didn’t know what to do. But he felt like he should turn to face Haru completely, but Haru’s finger pressed lightly into his shoulder.

“I’m drawing,” he said, as though it explained something.

_Ah._

Rin pretended like he understood. He closed his mouth. “Oh,” he whispered.

“Turn around.” 

“Yeah.”

His cheeks had blazed and his stomach squirmed, but he did as he was told and let Haru continue his masterpiece. Maybe those lines were a horizon; maybe those were people; maybe that was a cat or a dog or something – Rin tried to keep up, if only to distract himself from the chills racing from the base of his spine to the nape of his neck. The heat flushing into his face from his agitated heart. That twisty feeling in his gut he had yet to make sense of. Rin had closed his eyes, hoping that would somehow make things clearer.

But all he could see was blue. Cold and blue, blue water. 

His room is quiet and has dimmed from ochre to a burnt mahogany. Rin glares emptily at his desk, not really seeing it. Not really seeing anything but something far too out of reach.

He hadn’t actually asked Haru what the picture was. It still kinda bugs him.

Rin grimaces, tells himself to shut up and stop being so stupid. Reminds himself that everything is different now. That times change and so do people. Haruka Nanase doesn’t concern him anymore.

At least, not how he used to.

No, their relationship is strictly professional. It’s rivalry. That’s how it started and that’s how it’ll end. And it’ll end when Rin finally gets Haru to see him. When he can look into those blue eyes and see his own victory written there. That’s when he’ll be satisfied.

And as for the heat of Haru’s mouth, the scent on his jacket, the pressure of his hand on his sleeve – by now those are just memories too. As vague and misleading as any other.

Rin shuffles to his laundry basket and lets the jacket slip, piling in his sheets before taking them off to wash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next [water] time: _mfhgmfhdmgm_ *
> 
> ~~*this is not the real chapter title unless this fic takes an unexpected turn and haru finally snaps ties rin to a swimming pool and has his wicked way with him in which case this is the noise rin would make past his gag which would probably in all instances be haru's tongue just sayin'~~
> 
> Um, so what I mean by this is that I have to do the brutally honest thing and say I don't know when I'm going to be able to update next. >___> I have a lot of things going on right now (school, NaNo, other pressing fanfic needs) so I don't want to promise something and then not be able to deliver it for months and months on end ~~like I so totally never have a tendency to do nope not me.~~ (And I hate the idea of just churning out something sub-par just to meet a deadline...) But! I really am having a great time writing this, so it's my hope to continue on toward the finish! 
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for sticking with me this far, for all your wonderful comments (they really make my day), and I hope to be updating again soon~


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